Everybody wants to have a happy family. However when reality bites, conflict starts breaking all expectations. Divorce is one of the many conflicts that shatter a good family relationship. There are many factors why divorce happens, and some of them seem to be unavoidable.
Because of this, many people believe that divorce is not only the solution, but is also inevitable. It may be true that divorce can end the agony of both parents. However, this is not the case for children. In fact, divorce is the beginning of the agony among children as it greatly affects them. This is what parents need to consider first before considering their own comfort if they truly love their children.
Divorce Is Good for Children Is a Myth
Most parents who are going through the divorce issue tend to justify their intent only to make divorce happen. They even assert that their decisions are better for their children. Parents in a divorce tend to believe that:
- Continuous conflict is not healthy for their children
- Children are unhappy when parents are unhappy, or either
- Parents in conflict can no longer effectively guide their children
- Divorce is the solution to make their children happier
However, this belief is baseless and untrue. In fact, almost all studies claim that divorce is not good for kids.
Immediate Effects of Divorce on Kids
Parents should know that their kids have different expectations. For children, parents are their super heroes. Children believe that their parents can do everything to protect them and make them happy. Their concept of super heroes is the presence of the combined forces of their mom and dad. And divorce shatters such belief and expectations.
Divorce brings shock to children. They will suffer from trauma, and this will disrupt their normal way of life. All the things they are taught to be true and right will appear to be false. Such effects happen right after a divorce.
Long Term Effects of Divorce on Kids
When children grow without their real father or their real mother, they tend to have a loose foundation. For children, everything that is taught by their parents are not any more significant and credible. As a result, they learn from others. They tend to believe that people other than their parents tell the truth, and this becomes their foundation. However, there is a danger in it. Children are also vulnerable to outside influence and peer pressure.
Consequently, they yield to peer pressure. They think independently away from the foundation initially established by their parents. This is why most (not all) children from broken families have the tendency toward juvenile delinquency and drug addiction.
Divorce Affects Boys and Girls Differently
Parents should keep in mind that divorce affects boys and girls differently. Children are not generally the same. Girls and boys have different responses to every traumatic experience such as divorce. On one hand, girls become vulnerable to premarital sex. On the other hand, boys tend to become violent.
There is no question that parents should try to resolve marital issues to save a good family relationship. They should think of their children’s well-being as well as themselves. If you are facing divorce and are having problems getting points across with one another, find somebody to mediate and help you. You can seek the help of an experienced divorce mediator Carol Gee to get in between you and your spouse on the issues that matter the most.